Has anyone ever asked you to “be positive” when you were particularly in a sad or gloomy mood? It can seem insensitive, and yet, it doesn’t have to be taken that way. Being positive towards yourself doesn’t mean pretending not to feel down. Rather, it can be a way of putting an empowering framework around the feelings of despair or depression, rather than letting them make your whole worldview negative.
Have you ever thought about what it means to be kind to yourself? If you open up the dictionary you will find that being “kind” is defined as being “considerate, benevolent, humane, helpful and good.” In some sense, it’s easier to see opportunities for kindness directed towards other people rather than towards ourselves. Making the effort to be considerate, benevolent, humane, helpful and good to yourself may be challenging. You might not even know whether you're doing it or not.
A hectic work or home life can lead to plenty of stress and we all know this can contribute to health problems – from wrinkles to fatigue, mood swings, fluctuating blood pressure, weight gain or loss and more. This brings us to our first point:
Most of us have the experience of getting attached to something, no matter how inconsequential it might seem, and then stressing about it throughout the day. Even seemingly small stresses can activate your fight or flight system, which releases cortisol in the bloodstream. If this becomes a regular occurrence your body’s equilibrium may change which can lead to weight gain and cardiovascular trouble.
Here’s a tip that might help you better handle your stress: try to step back and observe yourself like you would a friend. If your BFF was going through a stressful time, wouldn’t you naturally be kind, compassionate and understanding towards them? Create a ‘voice’ of compassion towards yourself. Say something comforting out loud to yourself, even if it seems a little strange at first- “How are you doing? Things are a little tough right now, huh?” See if you can feel the sense of having compassion towards the part of yourself that’s stressing out, even while it’s happening.
There’s an important difference between having self-compassion and simply trying to make yourself feel better. Again, think about how you’d be kind and compassionate towards a friend. Maybe, after a rough day, you’d invite them to go have a little ice cream, and then send them off for an early night due to the inevitable sugar crash. But if your friend is constantly diving into the freezer for a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every time they felt a little down, you’d probably offer some gentle encouragement about making a better choice.
How about for yourself? Can you encourage yourself to make a healthier choice even though you might be suffering from an emotional craving? Have you developed that ‘voice’ of compassionate guidance?
Did you know that harsh self-criticism can lead to chronic pain? According to a study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, if you have a more positive, compassionate stance instead of an unsympathetic one, you can ease chronic pain issues.
When you adopt a positive stance based upon self-compassion and kindness, you become better equipped to handle all the challenges that life throws your way. To get started, try writing a letter to yourself or developing a mantra like, “I will be kind and forgiving to myself in moments of suffering”. Practice makes perfect, so try to incorporate self-compassion into your daily routine. Compassionate actions, however small, will help you stay aware of how you’re treating yourself. Here’s one of the easiest and quickest ways to check how you’re treating yourself: Smile!